1. Skip to content
  2. Skip to navigation

The Lizzolandia Tribune

Lizzolandia is bursting at its seams with major news ________________________________________________________________________________________________

Simulated Country: Lizzolandia
School: Harold Panabaker Jr High School
Instructor: Ms. Loretta Lock
Location: Calgary, AB

Written by: Kaitlyn G.

2001 End of Year Reports

The end of year reports for 2001 conclude that 12 citizens have died this past year. This is a very drastic change from the mortality rate of last year. In 2000, there were double the amount of deaths than there were in 2001. Lizzolandia is going towards the right direction in terms of making units more affordable for those who need it.

The deaths of Lizzolandia are occurring for a few different reasons. Only five deaths in Lizzolandia are due to food, three deaths are from no shelter, two from wildcards and two from unpowered shelters. Also, there have been four serious medical emergencies in 2001.

Medical emergencies can be best prevented from health units. Health, insurance and safety are all ways that citizens can be protected from these occurrences. Even though the death rates from food, shelter and unpowered shelters had dropped significantly, there are still ways we can prevent future deaths from the same cause. Lizzolandia has done well in trying to ensure that every citizen has food, and the amount of deaths regarding this has been reduced, but there are still a few people without it. Some shelters are still needing to be powered, and they should be top priority for the time being. A few citizens are still in need of homes, and this needs to be addressed.

Obituary of 2001

Grant: No Food
E: No Food
Y: No Shelter
Spoiler: No Food
Batman: No Shelter
Elon Musk: Wild Card
Evelyn: Unpowered Shelter
Smithers: No Food
Havyen Hackenbroeck: No Food
Vanessa: Die Roll of 12
David Rittich: Unpowered Shelter
Cousin: No Shelter


Written by: Brooklyn Scheck

In the most recent election that took place in the winter season, the People’s Party of Lizzolandia and the Midwing Party debated their political platforms and convinced the people of their ideology.

The election results showed that Alfred and his MP’s would become the government and that Addy and Cat would become the official opposition. Because Alfred is in power, some of his policies in place to govern the country include government owned healthcare, security, nature and E/I hexes. His goal in power is to manage affairs efficiently and as fairly as possible without implementing laws to guarantee equal pay, etc. Addy’s policies revolve around 100% equality. How is this actually reasonable when some citizens aren’t earning what they receive and are simply consuming units that other citizens would work hard for? The Midwing policies create undeserving opportunity for those who have inadequate work ethic, which is a hardship for society. Despite the fact that all citizens are viewed the same in the perspective of Midwing supporters which may be beneficial in some cases, some citizens work harder for their income while others procrastinate. Is this actually beneficial to society or is it something that must be challenged?


Written by: Nic D.

Ever since the election, people’s perspectives have been divided. After Prime Minister Jiao won the recent election, a small group of Lizzolandia’s citizens was dismayed due to the lack of professionalism and possible violation.

In Prime Minister Jiao’s campaign, he indirectly said that the government will establish communism in Lizzolandia. This has garnered some criticism among Lizzolandia’s citizens. One of the Midwing MPs said that apparently, the PM has jokingly infringed on Addy’s freedom of conscience and religion in their recent debate. They say that they might open up a court trial in the near future since, fortunately, they already have a full case ready to go.

Will this end on the impeachment of Prime Minister Jiao? Or will the rule of the PM Alfred Jiao continue?

“They are clearly not serious about governing us! Why did they even try to run for Parliament?” a Lizzolandia citizen quoted.


Posted in From the CM Trenches | Leave a comment

An Intense Election in Radish

Written by: Zach Harnack

Simulated Country: Radish
School: Beiseker Community School
Instructor: Ms. Amy Milaney
Location: Beiseker, AB

After all political parties were formed, things quickly seemed to get exciting as the election campaigns swung into motion. Everybody in said parties were working as hard as they could to try and win favor over the people of Radish. Although, some got into heated arguments with their party leaders, disagreeing with what they had planned to do. They remained diligent and thus assisted their fellow members in campaign preparation.

Shortly, all posters were hung up along the walls and lockers of the school’s high school wing. It was clear to all who saw them, that there were three parties in the upcoming election.

The socialist party, Those Guys.

The fascist party, Cheeseburger and Fries.

And the conservative party, Bellerina Babe Clan.

Each one of them wanted to take the spot at the top, but only one would make it there.

The class was informed by the teacher of the time of the election, March 2nd, where the parties would state their plans to their class, and others. Afterwards, they would be given ten minutes to respond to questions asked by the spectators. Everyone was nervous about what they would say, and how they would say it. It took a weekend of writing, practicing, scrapping, and repeating for each running member to get their version of a perfect speech.

Then, Monday came. All throughout the morning you could hear little whispers coming from people of class 9B, as they questioned each other on if they had perfected their script. Lunch was quiet though, too quiet coming from a usually loud class. Then it happened, the bell sounded, and it was time for the election.

All invited classes, including 9B, all flooded into the room of the event. Members from each party went to the front to present their parties views on how the country should be run, and questions followed. It was a struggle for all parties involved each being asked questions that they were not prepared for. In the end, the voters chose a clear winner. The minority government of Those Guys.

Posted in From the CM Trenches | Leave a comment

Possibility of Taxes Not Being Input

Written by: Catalina S.

Simulated Country: Lizzolandia
School: Harold Panabaker Jr High School
Instructor: Ms. Loretta Lock
Location: Calgary, AB

“We need taxes for healthcare and education,” quoted Ms. McDonald. “It needs to go towards all that, and to make sure everyone has what they need to live. We need taxes for that.”

Save for a 10% global sales tax, Mr. Jiao has removed all other taxes. He’s stated that the 10% is enough to pay for what is needed to keep citizens alive and well, though some citizens are doubtful of his claim; taxes have long been used by the government to invest in the military, social security, healthcare, agricultural benefits and veteran benefits. They also go to help families who are under government funding, and to keep conditions inside of prisons stable and healthy for the prisoners.

However, this, in turn, prevents a repetition of a protest similar to that of the Boston Tea Party (December 16, 1773) in the U.S, which was a protest by against the Tea Act (passed May 10, 1773) that forced the people of Boston to pay taxes for tea, and allowed the East India Company to sell tea from China in America without paying taxes (save for the ones demanded by the Townshend Acts; 1767 – 1768).

“High taxes means more benefit for well being,” said Mr. Fusick, a member of the UPP (Mr. Jiao’s party).

Posted in From the CM Trenches | Leave a comment

Jamon PM is Found Guilty of Embezzlement: Refuses to Step Down From Position

Written by: Ally Ma

Simulated Country: Jamon
School: Abbey Park High School
Instructor: Mr. Morgan Lin
Location: Oakville, ON

Live for the People party was elected into power by an overwhelming majority with Mr. Bozor as the leader. At the time, it seemed like a good choice was made and a great man would be leading our country. There were promises of affordable food, healthcare, and education, and support for those who needed it. Who wouldn’t want such a thing?
The citizens of Jamon very quickly found that it was too good to be true. During the Hex auction, instead of buying the hexes of necessities, PM Bozor spent government funds on the A&E hex without even consulting the House. As soon as market opened, one of the first things he did was send all A&E units from the government to himself for nothing in exchange. No other MPs had any knowledge of this. It was later brought to light by our Deputy PM, Mr. Oliver, along with the fact that an education unit was taken too.

PM Bozor was taken to court, and found guilty.
His sentence was only to repay what he had earned by selling the A&E units to the government, and even then it was just a rough estimate, rounded down. Many citizens also voiced their dissent and wishes for him to step down.
However, right after the fall passed, instead of returning the money owed, Mr. Bozor instead took even more from the government, taking all the cash in the account.
This time, he was very quickly caught out by MPs and citizens alike, and returned the money making up the flimsy excuse that he was “borrowing” it. For what, he couldn’t even say.
Although all MPs and many citizens implore Mr. Bozor to call an emergency parliamentary meeting, he refuses. He said, “I’ll just go out with a bang,” and “If I go down I’m taking the government with me.”
In this humble journalist’s opinion, with such a corrupt leader at the head of our country, I can not see our future going anywhere but down in the next year. Our MPs must do everything in their power to keep the Prime Minister in check, and citizens must band together in this time of need until the next election.


Posted in From the CM Trenches | Leave a comment

Lizzolandia’s Polling Payoff

Written by: Madeleine Dmen, Antonton Wonton, & Spedmen Migee

Simulated Country: Lizzolandia
School: Harold Panabaker Jr High School
Instructor: Ms. Loretta Lock
Location: Calgary, AB

A landslide victory for Alfred Jiao of the UPP, this result comes after a grueling day and a half campaign waged against the leader of the Midwing party, Addy MacDonald. The results leave Mr Jiao as the Prime Minister and his cabinet consisting of Mr Darryl Cheung, Mr Wyatt Fusick, Mr Mikeljan Deda, and Mr Lucas Finlay. Leaving the opposition leader as Addy MacDonald and her cabinet consisting of Tim and Mx. Cat. The first act of the new leader took was to federalize all property in order to make the country truly great.

Posted in From the CM Trenches | Leave a comment

FROC’s Corrupt Government Refuses to Change

Written by: Youngsoo Kim

Simulated Country: FROC
School: Heritage Woods Secondary
Instructor: Mr. Paul Chaffee
Location: Port Moody, BC

The year 2001 recently dawned on the Federal Republic of Chaffestan. As the marking of another era, a new year generally leads to new beginnings
and new resolutions –
in other words, it is a time of change.

Prime Minister Josh Cheng of the Peace Love and Happiness Party made clear in the House of Commons earlier this week that change is of no concern to his government. Certainly, he is interested in feigning change, and conning the citizens of FROC into believing it is actually occurring, but the idea of enacting change itself is simply foreign to him.

During the legislative procedures, Cheng and his MPs announced the creation of six bills in addition to so-called “revisions” to old bills, such as last year’s E/I bill. While these announcements were at first touted as improvements, it is in this writer’s opinion that they would do nothing to solve FROC’s problems. For example, the new Residences Bill initially demanded all rent prices capped at $950, a needlessly high number that would only lead to more citizens not being able to afford proper living conditions. Also launched was the Welfare Bill, which was to be funded by donations from FROC’s wealthiest citizens and the government deciding on which citizens would receive support. This immediately posed several issues, namely the discriminatory attitude towards the destitute.

Cheng’s government also outright ignored other problems plaguing FROC, primarily the wealth gap. It remains the biggest source of destruction to this country’s stability. The richest citizen of FROC has a whopping $18,207 more than the second richest citizen, and a good $10,671 more than the government itself. The fact that Josh Cheng and his government is spinning their wheels while a good fraction of the population is toiling in poverty is outrageous. In this writer’s opinion, despite the government’s trumpeting of all these faux-changes, it is plain to see that our leaders remains the same wolf under a different sheep’s clothing.

Posted in From the CM Trenches | Leave a comment

Rebellion Forming in Froggy Chair

Written by: Kelsey Bateman

Simulated Country: Froggy Chair
School: Prescott Learning Centre
Instructor: Mrs. Christy Haggarty
Location: Spruce Grove, AB

With the election being recently finished in the land of Froggy Chair, the hex auction was expected to be an exciting affair with few alliances. This was not the case. There was talk of a “gang” that had been spread before and during the election, but it was only from a few select citizens. The CFC party ended up winning the election and formed majority government, with The Afterparty as the official opposition.

Throughout the hex auction, however, multiple citizens banded together to form what they called an “anarchy”. The anarchy began to pool together money in order to bet against the government. The government had promised in their platform that they would own the E/I hex, but the anarchy bidded over $10 000, until the government came out victorious after spending $11 000 on the valuable hex. Later in the day, they began to put up posters promoting their rebellion, including defacing the CFC party’s posters. As an MP and part of the CFC myself, I decided to ask member of the Afterparty and active member of the rebellion Victoria on her views. She said that the rebellion was formed “for fun”. When asked the goals of the rebellion, she responded simply “still deciding”. I’m very interested to see how this plays out, and I look forward to updating as the story continues.


Posted in From the CM Trenches | Leave a comment

Is Greed Killing Sporknife?

Written by: Eli Ziehr

Simulated Country: Sporknife Island
School: St Peter the Apostle
Instructor: Mrs. Lenna Zimmer
Location: Spruce Grove, AB

Shalom Sporknifians, I have noticed a prominent issue plaguing our beautiful nation for a while now. The issue I am suggesting is one born from the greed of one particular private Farm Hex owner. I am sure the citizens of Sporknife are aware of what I am talking about now, because it is predicted that many family members will die from starvation if Farm owner James can’t set aside his lust for wealth for the better of the people. It has been a lengthy dispute between the Government and James according to officials I have asked about this, despite the Government being clear with citizens regarding it’s goal to nationalize the Food and Energy industry to secure low prices for everyone. It is a shame that despite the Government’s interest in feeding everyone and keeping prices down, James continues to try to gouge the Government with co-ownership deals and high prices with no regard for the starving families of his fellow Sporknifians. I think I speak for everyone when I say that families all over Sporknife need to eat, and that will not be possible with this current greed. For the sake of Sporknife’s well being, I hope we can all agree that prosperity of our people should take priority over the wallets of businessmen and that an appropriate deal needs to be struck soon. We all have to stay resilient in the face of scarcity. Stay safe, fellow Sporknifians.
Posted in From the CM Trenches | 2 Comments

Black Panther News: Important Electoral Information

Written by: Ashley D

Simulated Country: St. Wakanda
Instructor: Mr. Kris Christianson
Location: Edmonton, AB

Good evening my fellow St. Wakandians and welcome to the first issue of Black Panter News! This will be a (bi?)weekly newspaper covering important events in our country. In this article we will cover the results of our first ever election. After the debate, the NWO party won the majority of the seats in the House of Commons and Alex became the first Prime Minister. Josh became the leader of the Opposition, and Hazea and I became the only girls in Parliament. This is the list of people who made it to the House of Commons: Alex, Reece, Caio, Noah, Josh, Hazea, and Ashley.

Congratulations to everyone who made it in and thank you to everyone who voted and voiced their opinion. This was certainly an interesting experience. I am really excited to see what kind of laws we pass and I am looking forward to whatever this year will bring us. Thank you for tuning in to Black Panther News, have a great day.

Posted in From the CM Trenches | Leave a comment

Corrupt Government Rules Lawless Country

Written by: Jessica Bear

Simulated Country: Concoria
School: Centennial Collegiate & Vocational Institute
Instructor: Ms. Katie Gad
Location: Guelph, ON

After elections the public quickly released that their government only wanted money, making only one rule that made them the only ones in control of all. Boasting about their recent “success” they spent their time relaxing. Making no laws, trade is unfair and pricey. The public races agents each other for the peanuts so that they have money. Will this government make the country bankrupt? Will the country be poor and begging for food? Will the government even stay in power? Will the public retaliate? Will the next government be better? What is in store for Concoria.

Posted in From the CM Trenches | Leave a comment